I'm supposed to be studying for my Philo 171 exam later but wi-fi is so fucking enjoyable here inside Mandarin Hotel...bat ako nandito?ehehehe...fin sem planning..thanks to gt!..

oh well...things are bothering me..or are they? ewan..basta..just between me and another soul..

my mom's getting married today!!!!would you believe?i guess I was right to let her chase her happiness..

and what will my happiness look like?

I was watching the last kiss last saturday and it made me realize how our life depends in our choices...and my other dilemma is what are my choices?and if there is, what would i choose..

i just have this nasty thought..wish I could share..

ang cheesy ng pnost ko kanina.. there are words that can be plainly descriptive but there are those in itself that can create certain reactions without even being connected to other words.

Like the word cheesy....does it simply describe the article I just posted a while ago or is it something that lets u know im kinda having a disgust over it but it's still tolerable because it's my love life afterall.

And virginity..i read the discussions/vandals at the AS comfort rooms...and my realization is that is virginity simply for someone who never had sex and very pure of any sexual stuff in his or her system?But if even cubicle doors have to suffer just to have a place for discussion of virginity, the word must have possesed an extraordinary moral value which people have to deal with..anyway cheka lang...

It's so sad that one of the few mothers i got close with just died last week. She's my highschool bestfreind's mom and I haven't visited them for more than a year before she died. shux..anyway..really tells me we have to love our mothers all the time....

Anyway, during the funeral, i got my chance to meet my former highschool classmates. Before i even got to the place, my heart was beating faster for some reasons.. First, I do not know how it feels to see tita baby in her coffin. Second, how would I face my bestfriend after not seeing her for such a long time. LAstly, am i still the person they knew before. And when I got there, of course there was this comment that I looked different, which is definitely not far from the reality. I did change. And it's just so hard to keep track of who am I...just a thought..



These are my not so coherent thoughts...

My Love Story (If my memory serves me right)

If I would tell you my current love story, sure I would say the first time I met him was the same day I passed my 2x2 id picture for filing my candidacy for this year’s college election. It was also the same day I decided to drop my P.E. because my body was fucking aching after the 6k run we had, together with Jolene and Albert, who introduced us. I remember we went for ice cream on our first supposedly “date” on the night before the Pyschsoc week and everyone with me in the PHAN lobby was getting so caught up with our Oble. I remember the first few nights I sat with him at the sunken garden were the first few times I had to wear my so-called packaging, so that people would easily remember me. I wonder did that made him remember me, as well. The first time I was so excited to show him my-so-special-but not-really new outfit for the election was the same day I realized he can be also moody, because he didn’t even tried complimenting me and just went away after giving my book. Later, he apologized for what happened because he was in a bad mood during that time.
Our first few fights were related to the election, as well. I have this issue on not allowing myself to be seen around with anyone from the opposite sex because I was thinking people wouldn’t believe the click Ted and I were trying to promote. Politics is showbiz, I thought; and I knew he hated it. And I regret that the world didn’t know about us earlier because I tried to hide it.
My first ever real Valentine’s date, I mean, something a guy prepared for me, was with him when luckily, our trainers allowed us to have a free night because it was Valentine’s Day. That, I could clearly remember everything, except the movie we watched. It was one of the fairy tales we knew from movies, where the city lights from our rooftop view created the special ambiance; the chicken something from Juggie’s reminded me it’s not so fairy tale, after all; my silly “is this a date rape” thought as he led me to the dark path that actually led to his surprise for me; the awkward moment because is it really happening between us; my death instinct thoughts borrowed from Freud wherein if we are up in a very high place, we would always have thoughts about how is it to die; and of course, the things only he and I knew. But then again, when I got back to the headquarters, I was such a squealer because my slatemates knew about this immediately, well, except for some part, of course. And you may think of the Kit who’s always kinikilig, but apparently, that night when I went home, I thought it was cheesy and I thought it will always be the way I’ll think of it until I’m writing about this date like a crazy romantic. I am eating the cheesy part because now I think I deserve to have a date like this once in my life and it’s more than thinking it’s cheesy.
Jollibee Philcoa (since McDonald’s was under reconstruction) witnessed the first few dawns we’ve spent together. For the first time in my life, my academics contributed something to my love life by giving me a reason to stay up the whole morning studying with him. On the other hand, Jollibee gave me the chance to fail in my Math 100 exam, hehehehe.
Through sickness and health, he was there for me. When I badly needed someone to help me for my focus group discussion, he went to help me while I was busy blowing my nose and extracting the greenish-yellowish icky fluid from my swelling nose. Our headquarters, back then, was the perfect place to catch virus.
I could have held his hands but rather, he watched me as I shook hands with all the passers by in AS during the campaign period. He would stand somewhere in the lobby and later on, I was surprised to discover the intertwined lives we’ve gotten when he happen to know some people I know.
I could have called to tell him I love him, but the first time I called his cell phone was to tell him I won, which was not a surprise for him. He knew the results of the college election even before me because he was there during the counting of votes.
This story could go on forever and I wouldn’t be able to stop if I tell every single thing that happened, I mean every single thing wherein election would always be a part of it. Yet, as much as how confident I am that this story will go on forever, I also know he wouldn’t tell our story this way. If you would ask him, he would know the things we said to each other. He would know what were the things we first did together. He would know when I said I love him. He would know how “kilig” I am just by watching me. He would even know in details why we fought. He would know the person I used to be before this relationship. He would know much more about us, more than the silly things I’ve said above.
My greatest loss in being where I am is forgetting the things that would remind me how special this is for us. But then, it’s a matter of believing once again that I can experience love with an innocent and untainted heart. With a simple belief, what I’ve missed will surely be replaced with the coming days that will witness this special thing we have. And now my heart will be my best memory.

Kailan ba ako huling nagpost?Sabi nga ni Tin, nagsibangon ang mga kandidato...hehehe..but the last time i remember writing here, i was kinda having a fuzzy mind over somebody..then came the campaign and elections and my life turned 360 degrees...It's like waking up one day and realizing i can't be my old plain self anymore.. and finally it doesn't suck that way..finally it was a change I've been waiting...The Juggler...

1. Acads

Masaya 'tong unahin..hahaha..i really don't know where it's going..it's not like going down the drain but I hate to admit I kinda lose track of it when the campaign had started..Now, i'm really doing my best to run after everything I missed and I am quite doing well with all the subjects except with my 118. It'll really take some extra effort to finish my study on emotional eating after breakups..but this too shall pass...just gotta make my ass work really hard during the next few days of my life...


2. Family

Family..apparently, i can't define what a family is.. For the entire 19 years of my life, i got blined with the ideals promoted by our society and my own family on the concept of family. One day all things have changed and my best realization was never to define myself in terms of my family..and that was my most rational realization in assessing my relationships.. No, don't call me ingrata...I still believe we will always go back to our family..home is where the heart is..we can never choose our family..blahblah.. i sure do love my family...but definitely i have to make a mark on my own..and i am doing it....

3. Being a Psych Dept. Rep. and more of student politics.

It was a numb feeling when I heard Ted and I won. After days of fighting hard and well for a position we are destined "responsibly" to hold for a year, it felt nothing when we finally got it, well, at least, for me...Maybe it was a factor I just got up from a nap when I heard of the news, but definitely it was something about knowing that one of my closest friend in the slate wouldn't be with us inside the council next year. I do not like to expand this part, but terribly, I felt lost for a moment upon hearing the sad news. But there were no tears to shed for me. At that time, it was more of thoughts that poured like avalanche, but apparently I've lost them. They didn't make it here in my blog...hehehehe

But ironically, the part where I felt so lost would be the same place where I gather my strength to stand by all that this student politics has for me, and has for all of us. Afterall, we do not let a single defeat ruin the chance to gain greater glory for all of those who are passionately aiming to serve the student body. We do not let our tears, our sadness and our anger overshadow the capability to bring to the students what is just and right for them by choosing us to be their student leaders. Maybe others would see the big chunk we lost, but i believe it is through this loss that we continously hold on to our ideals and principles.

To those who think that our color is the hindrance in serving the students, come to think of the majority who chose us. It is, no doubt, because of the brand of leadership and principles that we carry because we are held by one color. Besides, we do not deny that people have biases. It will never be an overnight job to suddenly appear to people and say I do not have a color especially when it's right there on the head. We present ourselves according to our biases and principles, but there are only few who have the right to serve according to these biases and principles. For all of us, let's all be critical and vigilant. Know who are rightfully to be the leaders.

Malapit na rin ang NAtional elections..Hehehehe...

And as for myself, well, knina I've finally expressed my post-election sentiments. Of course, as part of my moving on part naman, I am looking forward to execute all our projects for the department with a vision to get all Psych majors fully involved with all the activities. I guess this calls for a more responsible KIT LIM..hehehehe..

4. Love

Balita ko maraming nagtatampo. Hindi daw kasi ako nagsasabi. I guess, my life really went upside down. From doing nothing to doing a lot...and from telling a lot to telling nothing...Medyo hindi nga ko nagsalita about my current love life but i guess everyone deserves to hear it is pretty fine and going well. Nakakapanibago lang talaga na hindi na siya free-for-all tulad noong single pa ko, but the responsibilities that this committment entails will do me good...good luck!

5. Socials

Apparently, i guess I haven't lost my social life. It just so happen that it occurs in a web like matrix coz it mixes with love, org and politics. Met new people. Hang out with new people.. but i surely do miss drinking with my old friends, chatting with Gale, texting Glen and others, eating out with Drew, and many others. Go social life!

This must be another form of boredom or something magical from the unknown...Since yesterday, I am being bugged by some lines as I watch tv...

1. What he does not know won't hurt him
2. Boss me around

I have one suspect who could possibly say the first line but I cannot pick any context for him to tell me that...The second one, I can picture a context where I was in but I cannot remember who could possibly say that..Or have I just heard it from endlessly watching for almost three days already?Or I just wanna do something with myself just to say I am going crazy, at least not miserable...

Today I decided to open my pink curtains because I finally realized it's no use pouting in the dark. It just makes me stumble with things I shouldn't be.. And definitely Christmas isn't supposed to be by pre-Valentine drama..or worst my college misery...hihihihi....

Merry Christmas!

Late bloomer I am...I finally had the time to see Grey's Anatomy and the selfish person in me just turned it into a series-where-I-can-cry-onto-so-no-one-would-say-I-was-crying-over-something-else..wheeew..I mean some parts were really touching but what caught me totally was this old woman who goes back to the hospital every year, on the same date because her heart seems to stop on that particular date (there's a medical term for it)...and it's all because it was the day the man next door died..and he wasn't just a man next door but a man she loved for 27 years!..well, you guys, know this one...

But I bet you don't know that for the three Decembers I had in college, I have always been a loser crying over someone...being miserable when it's Christmas time..and kicking my own ass out of this misery when the year turns new just because I always believe in hope...and I certainly do not want to beat that woman who's heart stops already seven times since the person she loved died. Mine didn't die, sometimes I hope he will...It's just that on the first Decemeber, he made me foolish hoping for something foolish, but precious...On the second Decemeber, I was going crazy how to accept that we can't be..And this Decemeber, I am crying over the fact that I don't love him and so does he..

Hay..I'm so selfish..like him...


Salvage...

You expect me to just let you hit it
But will you still respect me if you get it
All I can do is try, give me one chance
What's the problem I don't see no ring on your hand
I'll be the first to admit it, I'm curious about you, you seem so innocent
You wanna get in my world, get lost in it
Boy I'm tired of runnin' let's walk for a minute

I feel it in the air
as I'm doing my hair
preparing for another day
A kiss up on my cheek
He's here reluctantly
as if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A liar didn't have to tell
Because we both know
where I'm about to go
and we know it very well

I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
And when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse.
And explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool
I sacrifice the things I want to and do things for you
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through
Now you, wanna be a bond of me (eyyy)
Now you, have so much to say to me (heyy)
Now you, wanna make time for me
What you do to me.
You confusin me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
Someday someday
Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

cant explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you, you gonna remember me)
walk away, walk away
(I'm gonna remember you, you gonna remember me)
walk away
(i cant forget it how we use to be)

Well, so this is how I spent my morning for today..I opened my sticky eyes because of all those icky stuffs that slept with it...I felt a lawn mower passed by my heart..I remembered someone...I prayed to God I'm not supposed to be expending my energy for such a crap, maybe I'm just bored and I oughta forget that person...I went to the bathroom and washed my mouth..I did some calf raise..I sat down in front of the tv..I changed the channel to MTV..and these are the first five songs I get to hear for the day...

Merry Christmas..Yes!it is Christmas....

Please…
That’s enough (2x)
Please…

I’ve said this a million times before
And i’m sick
But all that i need
And all that i bleed
And all that i care for
Is you

And all that i need
And all that i bleed
And all that i care for
Is you

I hate you..

from Waltz by Hale (pero kunwari hindi..hihihiih)

Don’t Tell Her

We used to walk along the halls
That carries the secret of our souls
I used no words
I let the smile
And there’s something we both understand.
I resisted, you know I did
To hold you for you are hers;
But I owe her every inch
We failed to stay away
We failed not to be insane.
It’s not for her to know
It’s for me to cherish on my own
Anyway she has your heart
And I only have secrets to burn one day.

Each time we search each other’s eyes
Gazes drown, breaths become heavy
Passion ignite, lure becomes uncompromising
But all these do
Among our shallow lives
Where moments of dark
Will shelter us from sentence
Will leave me lifeless, afterwards.
It’s not for her to know
It’s for me to cherish on my own
Anyway she has your heart
And I only have secrets to cry over for now.


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Yey! It’s just so fucking bad I turned this season into another broken hearted Valentine’s season. Grabe! This is the third December I have been like this and leche!Iisa lang ang salarin! I f you knew me since December 2004, you might think I deserve some physical assaults to get rid of my own insanity. Since, this is just a petty, but disturbing insanity, hindi pa naman pang-mental…life threat nga lang…

And I just couldn’t believe at the end of each day, I retire myself through simbang gabi that has been my constant haven for four nights already. I just keep on talking to God…Nagbabakasakaling siya na lang pala ang hinihintay ko..wait wait..I’m not dying , yet..mukha kasing death message..at lalong I’m not gonna enter the convent…baka mabakla ang mga madre…I just love to talk to someone else na hindi ko naman alam kung ano meron sa kanya…It, at least, gives me the feeling of something can happen more than I expect just the same way that I really don’t know who am I talking to talaga…Anyway may comedy pa nga… I was praying to God last Tuesday and it has been my regular thing to ask God how is the person He has made for me…Sabi ko, “baka nasa tabi-tabi lang siya,”and then I looked to my left and my mind couldn’t stop blurting it out, “baka naman siya na yun, ang cute niya kasi.” There was this cute guy I saw kaso feel ko cute LANG siya…PERIOD

Okee..I gotta go..our DVD player is pissing me off.. I forgot to borrow from tito the remote control and so, I couldn’t watch the other short movies in TAKILYANG PEYUPS 2006.. I got it from Eric..and the funny thing is since I only saw the first movie for each dvd (there were 4), it happened that I get to watch “Now Hiring” where Eric was part of it, including his thesis partner, AJ, and tentararan… Dion… He’s from SIKAD where Gale and JL play…la lang..ka-surprise lang..he looks cute pala…

Hay…

Hahahhahahaha..I'm back...

Boredom. Maybe my life's kinda a big boredom right now and so there's nothing much to write in here since I got back from Saipan...Well, I've gotten plenty of emotional family issues but I prefer not to spill here coz it's kinda cheesy...tsktsk..oh no! I hate to admit it's much better if I could tell my stuffs to someone...hmmmmmm...bahala na...

.....

To Tita Cora,

I just hope you're happy wherever you are. It must be nice going back home.'Til we see each other again...

.....

My going home issues have never ceased.

GOing back home from Saipan, where actually my home is(..labo noh?) has always been my topic with God...you heard it right..I do pray..hahahhaha..anyway...I just feel like a kid whenever I have to ask Him some things about home...Well, I get to hear the answers and yet, my heart would still be aching for home...but this leads me to believe I'll be home soon with the people I love...

.....

And my going home nightmare happens every night..

I love the place where I am right now. I love the people I am with.. but I hate to live up with anyone else's standard of how am I to become a "good girl"...

You might find it crazy that a person is afraid seeing the lights turned on through the window of a bedroom which can be seen even while still walking on the street of her house...oh well, that's me...

It's crazy that I hate pressing the doorbell of our house not because I might get electrocuted..duh..but yeah deep inside I am being electrocuted by the fact that probably in other people's minds my horns and tail are getting longer..me poor angel..tsktsk...

break free!break free!break free!

.....

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

.....

Night 1

I arrived in Saipan around 5:30 pm. My plane ride wasn't that interesting because i just made myself sleep all through out the ride. I was fetched by my mom and another neighbor, a 16 year old girl named Mavi. I was kinda surprised to see my mom because her hair was really totally different. She used to wear her hair short but right now, she has it long and wavy and actually, kinda buhaghag. She really needs hair rebonding, i swear. And when I saw Mavi, I thought she was already my sister but totally grown. She's way above taller than me and she was wearing mini skirt and spaghetti strap when she went to meet me. She's nice though and my sister and she loves to joke around.

After the airport, we went to fetch my sister who didn't know i was arriving that night. and guess where we fetched her?from her pictorial because she's modelling right now!tinalo pa ko...but anyway, we have our own lives to live...

when she finally saw me, she was really surprised but i got even more surprised when i heard her speak. It was totally different from the Khaiza I used to know... She speaks straight english and she's a lot noisier and Americanized!!!!and she knows pop stars already..she shaved her legs already..she wanted me to pluck her eyebrows..she wears bra already..she totally grew up!

Afterwards, we dropped by my tita's house at As Perdido Rd., then dropped my sister and her friend at the apartment and my mom broguht me to church. And guess what? my mom converted to born again christian... I mean last year we were still going to a Catholic church and all of sudden now she brought me to a different church already! and I had to join her in their fellowship...and i don't wanna comment about it anymore..ok lang naman siya...eto na lang ang thing...after the fellowship...everyone was so friendly , as in they were the ones who introduce themselves to me and i finally found people of my age...and sabi nila para daw akong 16 years old..hahahahhaha...at feeling dyosah for the night because everyone was saying i'm so pretty..hala!!!nagayuma ata...

Later on, we finally went home and i saw my mom's apartment which was really cool..nice place...mc do was in front of it...at the back, there's the beach already..and walking distance lang ang parang makati nila dun..yipee..more adventures for me...

day 1

i'm here at my tita's office doing some paper works for her..ok lang naman..kaysa i get bored back home...later tonight, i think we're going to the flea market at Garapan... Thrusday night is really cool in there...the place is full of tourist and it's like a barbecue night..basta...tom na ang kwento...

I have reiterated many times to myself that I was never the other girl but it seems to be hunting me everywhere...On the other hand,sometimes I, myself, doubt that i became the other girl and everything's just running in my head...i mean what if he never really considered anything about "us" and so there's nothing to be guilty about..anyway..eto ang nangyari..

yesterday, i was sitting peacefully at the nook and i saw him passing by..he smiled...i smiled back..and deep inside i fell into pieces...and it called for a stronger desire to jog since I really intended to jog that day..i don't know..aside from my aesthetic (according to him) and health purposes for running, I run for emotional purposes...and at that moment i had to run to remove the feelings that I, myself, couldn't understand...

and so i ran...i got tired..and finally i decided to walk briskly to slow down...

i was really concentrating with my walk when three feet away from me i saw his familiar back together with the girl, which i supposed was "his" girl...and out of my conscious control, i felt my feet, instead of walking straight ahead the side walk and getting nearer the couple, walked towards my right and seemed to found the grass as their haven...i stood there for a moment and placed my gaze upon them.. since they weren't looking my way, i had time to think whether i was going to continue to walk and pass by them or just change my route.. luckiliy, they decided to cross the street and so, i just continued walking until he noticed me..and he smiled ..and i smiled back..and deep inside i fell into pieces again...

later that night..he texted me and it's as if everything's ok.sna lang dba...hay ewan...

currently,while pondering on this matter, i realized i'm already going beyond my sensible limit...parang ewan....meron nga ba talagang dapat isipin?or meron ngang dapat iniisip pero dinedeny ko lang?..

OO by UpDharma Down

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

1. I was so excited to check my friendster(hahahaha..so highschool)...until I saw Eric and CJ on my "who's Viewed me List". Afterwards, I checked, Eric's profile to find them so in love with each other and to find myself just laughing my ass out of the two..duh!Fool yourselves...

2. My Daddy Lo and Mommy La just got here in the Philippines. I dunno if I really lost my connection with my family that I only got to know they're arriving on the day itself...

3.Toj texted me last thursday I think. It was a surprise because I wasn't expecting to hear from him since that incident at Chem kiosk. He, first, asked how are you and then, as always, invited me out for a movie. I dunno what to say at first but I realized sinced he seemed to be attempting again then why not get him busted again later on and everything happens again..teden...and wen I said yes, finally, he never replied back...musta naman..ang bilis ng karma..so much for my mean thoughts..good thing is he isn't a big deal for me..

4. unexpected: na baka may nararamdaman pala talaga ako for someone..oh NO!!!!!!!!!

Mahirap talagang magmahal ng syota ng iba
Hindi mo mabisita kahit okey sa kanya
Mahirap oh mahirap talaga
Maghanap ka na lang kaya ng iba

Ngunit kapag nakita ang kanyang mga mata
Nawawala ang aking pagkadismaya
Sige lang sugod lang o bahala na
Bahala na kung magkabistuhan pa

[chorus]
I-dial mo ang number sa telepono
Huwag mong ibibigay ang tunay na pangalan mo
Pag nakausap mo siya sasabihin sa’yo
Tumawag ka mamaya nanditong syota ko

Mahirap talaga ang magmahal ng iba
Oh sakit ng ulo maniwala ka
Ngunit kahit ano pang sabihin nila
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa

[instrumental]

Mahirap humanap ng iba
Pag tumubo ang ‘yong luha
At hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa





Mahirap talaga magmahal ng syota ng iba...
HIndi ako nakakarelate

Settle for less
1. when you’re on diet or any kind of activity that requires cut off…for me, oh my, I have to give up my craving for coke float and maybe settle for a yogurt milk that’s cheaper and healthier.
2. when you’re in fight with someone..less talk, less damage…
3. when you’re having sex, settle for the least clothing or none at all…heheheheh
4. when you already found the right person, settle for less which means that person and don’t further look for the ideal
5. in party.. mas dyahe maging overdressed unless you’re Tessa Prieto Valdez or Tim Yap
6. when making your paper settle for less dahil sayang papel..yun nga lang bka less grade din..harhar
7. when you wanna say I love you to someone..sometimes flowery words don’t make it to the heart as compared to a very simple but sincere I love you

Never settle for less
1. When you’re buying something for your body like meds, even shampoo and soap and all other well being stuffs
2. When you’re getting the coolest gadgets
3. when you’re spending time with family coz soon we’re gonna have our own na rin
4. when reading..tinuan mo na babasahin mo since you’re feeding your mind naman
5. when a guy/girl doesn’t take you seriously and take you out exclusively, don’t settle with that person just because you like him or her
6. when you think that your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t really the one for you (this is different from the against all odds drama ah), go and wait for the one best for you..don’t settle for less just because it’s around…ano siya!on sale kaya binili mo naman?
7. when writing a blog entry..sulat kung sulat..nobela kung nobela…hahahahahah…..
8. When you’re saving something for yourself especially in love, NEVER EVER settle for less. We can always have the best things in life without having to compromise our own good and while experiencing the best for ourselves..

Someone: Ay binalik lng..Haha!Bsta wg m n uulitin ung look na tatawagin n lng ntng "pav2 look"..U
Me: Bkt nmn?
Someone:(something like this)bsta..Eh ksi may mga bagay na hindi kayang ipaliwanag ng siyensiya..
Me:(something like this) Duh!hindi naman kailangan ng science para iexplain un eh..kaya nga may common sense..unless wala ka nun..heheh joke lng...
Someone: E wala nga..Kc d way u luk at dat moment, it knockd me out of my senses..*wink-wink*;p
Me:(something like this) hay naku nambobola ka na naman..o cge il just forget dt moment...
Someone: Ceryoso un...Parang my dumaang anghel..Kya nga nun pgtingin ko bgla sau ntigilan ako..U
Me: (something like this) Ay..eh gusto ko makita mo ko as tao coz I am no angel...
Someone:Kaw ung nakita ko, kya nga parang may dumaang anghel..So pretty..Haha..

Oh it's another shit! and yet it made me smile...bahala ka sa buhay mo..as of now it does make me feel brand new after being so worn out from the past...but still i know it's just another way of packaging the things that will further wear me out very soon..especially someone's just somewhere out there..hehehehehe


"You Make Me Feel Brand New"

My love
I'll never find the words, my love
To tell you how I feel, my love
Mere words could not explain
Precious love
You held my life within your hands
Created everything I am
Taught me how to live again

Only you
Cared when I needed a friend
Believed in me thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love

God bless you
You make me feel brand new
For God blessed me with you
You made me feel brand new
I sing this song 'cause you
Make me feel brand new

My love
Whenever I was insecure
You built me up and made me sure
You gave my pride back to me
Precious friend
With you I'll always have a friend
You're someone who I can depend
To walk a path that never ends

Without you
My life has no meaning or rhyme
Like notes to a song out of time
How can I repay
You for having faith in me

Morning Temptations
Okay, I tried to make my Wednesday free so I could do my Socio 101 paper but temptations are just so irresistible.

1. The bed keeps pulling me back that I really had to drag my ass to get up and start my paper early.
2. Thoughts keep pouring over me that I really need to write something in my blog.
3. Expectations of good movies to be shown in Star Movies are very high and so I would just want to sit and relax in front of the television.
4. I resisted texting my “friend” last night so I could sleep early but it was the first thing I did this morning that kept me longer in bed.
5. Lastly, Nikka tagged me and I couldn’t resist writing about myself…as always…

Once tagged by this entry, write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. In the end of it, pick six of your friends and tag them! (No tag backs). This explanation must be included, of course.

So here it goes…(I have to write this while eating breakfast in 30 minutes so I could finally start my paper…)

1. Well, just a recent trivia…Whenever I see this girl in class before(Socio 101)…I can’t help but notice her very strong features especially those eyes. Unfortunately, it’s not something I envy but something I really don’t like.. However, yesterday, was the peak of my loathe for her features that I suddenly had this very heavy pounding in my heart whenever I see her. I even texted my “friend” and told him I can see a witch in this girl and it’s not a form of panlalait but an involuntary vision that actually causes discomfort for me already..Weird, never ever had this happened to me before..
2. I will pay even a hundred bucks or more if McDo will suddenly have a promo of eat all you can and create your own ice cream. I will surely pour tons of chocolate syrup over my vanilla ice cream and mixed it with the strawberry jello.. disgusting for others..pero promise heaven!..and I’ll eat as much as I can…saka na ang figure…
3. I want to be a lady guard in LRT katipunan just for one day..bakit? Just because I like their uniform and I wanted to wear a black stockings and high heels..hahahahha
4. I can never tolerate anyone cutting his or her nails in front of me especially in public… the most disgusting thing for me..mas carry pa ata makakita ng someone na jumejebs sa harap ko…
5. I always consider my self as an ugly duckling turned into swan princess. Back when I was a kid, I think I was always compared to my two other cousins and I always appear to be the ugliest and even when compared to my sister, I was always the uglier. I remember an instance, my 2 cousins and I were walking our way out of the door in line and I was the last person in the line, when our lolo-uncle (I don’t know if he’s still alive) met us in the doorway. He asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grow up and when it was my turn to answer, he seemed not to notice me and I thought back then, it was because they’re pretty and I am not, and so I just had to hold back my tears when we were inside the car……Pero ngayon, things have changed, I changed, my cousins changed and tadan!sabi nga ni Athena lakas ng confidence ko… I think I’m a swan princess now…armed with deadly charms..chos!
6. And my guys trivia finally………I have already deduced a pattern with what effect each guy arriving in my life will have on me. Since highschool it was always happy-stressed-happy-stressed-happy-stressed…and Eric fell on the stressed turn kaya sobrang true!hahahahaha..and right now I’m on the happy mode….which makes me say I don’t wanna have the next person kasi shet!stressor na nman!

I tag
1. Gale- u have your blogspot..write it there…
2. Alex-u surely have a lot of things to say lately..will add ur acct pla..haven't done..
3. Rhea-hahahahahaha...natutuwa ako sa knya..there are three people in mind na I want to be my little sister and you're one of them...
4. Chesca-we aren't really that close but I suddenly felt this connection with this person after her heartbreak...and actually to all my friends na recently nakaexperience din nun like jl..hahahhaha..nambuko...
5. Pat-pinsan ko 'to though I have to tell her personally since she doesn't want to read my blog coz she's tamad and she can't even keep a blog on her own..bka sakali malay niyo...
6.Jolens-baliw rin siya katulad namin..the typical psychsoc girl according to my and nikka's qualifications:maganda, matalino, "bitchy", pasaway, maingay..hahahhaha...med mish na...

I started this day with a mindset that oh no!This is gonna be a very stressful day and the reward will only arrive at the end of the day.

I decided to continue my application at UP Namnama and today was the Consti Quiz at 9am. I got stuck with the traffic because of the rain but manage to arrive in UP by 9:15 am. The test was draining..used to it anyway.

Next was how to hide from Drew..hehehehehe..just kidding! I just can’t accept that I caused drew so much hassle last night for being a very delinquent groupmate. But seriously, wasn’t my fault, our pc got fucked up last night…not an excuse though…and Iwasn’t contented with the work I submitted so edited it at the Psych comp lab….tapos pakain na ng buklod downstairs…yey!yummy in fairness…

And my dreaded BIO 11…I knew I didn’t perform well in the recent lab exam although I’m a bit confident with my lec exam…I was excited to meet the zoology teacher, Ma’am Buerano, only to listen to her lecture and not even a sight of the much awaited blue books…during the lab….OH NO…I can’t bare every second that passed while waiting for the results…and tadan!!!!I got 75…I passed..even higher than the previous lab exam….yeyyyy!!!!!!

And as always, lab is so tedious…….can’t wait for 5:30..lilibre ako ni glen ng nai cha…nai cha…nai cha…hehehehehhe…

But…

Hindi natuloy….=(

It’s my long awaited reward for the day…This morning I was wondering how come if I want something so bad or I’m looking forward to something, I always have to take the winding road before getting it..Just like today..at too bad the reward never came…

Surprisingly, I wasn’t that disappointed…I don’t know.. it doesn’t feel like it’s me pero for some reasons, I just completely feel okay kahit ‘di natuloy yung eat out namin….baka masaya lang talaga ko with our “friendship”..hehehe

Anyway, things have their trade-off naman…I wasn’t out with Glen but I had a date with Athena at the kiosk near main lib…It’s been quite a while since we went out together kasi nga naman things are getting different…but the coolest thing about this is that, when all else fail, I have someone..at sana ganoon din ako sa knya pag tang-ina..umiiyak na naman ang bklang yan…knock on wood….wag sana..ayun….

Saya pa rin ang life…

I just said to a friend that love needs a brave heart to decide. Kung hindi mo kayang tiisin, kayanin mong aminin. Kund di mo kayang aminin, kayanin mong tiisin.

I knew love would always have to be about risks and gathering strenths from our past, especially from mistakes, to make things happen. It's about believing that at one point in time, love wishes us to be happy in the arms of someone else. I knew love wants us to wake up with eyes capable to see the beauty in every being.

And on the other hand, love is also about pain. It's about daggers that would only make your heart bleed. Love could sometimes just be a flood of tears and a storm of cries. Love is something that could make us realize our foolishness only after we've done the wrong things

And yet, I see, best of all, that love is a CHOICE. We have some power over things and let this be.

So, I choose not to fall for you.

And I am not coward for not choosing to. I am just brave to stand by a choice.

(MMMMMM..cno 'to?)

The last thing I expected to happen yesterday when I went to UP and be mesmerized by the different people that crowded the campus yesterday was to see HIM!!!!I saw him. I saw "saving all my Love for you guy". I saw "papa bear"...I was crossing the street across FC going towards the direction of the kiosk where bikers stay often. I hope youre getting the right picture. I knew there was a swarm of guys inside a tent located very near the kiosk and I knew the big possibility that it's the frat i don't really like. All of them were in black except for this guy in green which caught my attention at siya nga yun!!!!!!!. I suddenly found myself teary-eyed and chill went over my whole body as I saw this person who made me wait for such a long time. And he's with his son.........And I was alone, no one to share with my very overwhelming experience...though I was texting someone naman.....

Seeing him, though, didnt make any difference. I coun't talk to him anymore. It's way too buried in the past to bring up and consider things. I just had the satisfaction that hey he's still alive....so i'm letting him out....

........

"and I coudn't help it.. It's all your fault..."

"I wanted to turn you on
My favorite song.
Wanted to be near you
But somebody owns you now.

I love you with a fire,
Ablazing till times end
But what good is a heart
When it shudders to speak.
I guess it's too late now. "

eto na naman ako....I myself broke my own hiatus...this may not work in the end, but I don't wanna have my own regrets in the future that I didn't try.....Ngayon, the most important thing is that someone makes me smile, someone makes me feel fine with myself...and the rest I leave it onto destiny....